"When I was
16 years old a complete stranger asked me to homecoming. When I first answered
the door to my house I was anxious and excited to see who this mystery person
could be. The messenger had left me little beads with letters written on them,
which I was supposed to unscramble to decipher the name of my date. I spent
probably 2 hours mixing up letters and trying to figure out who this person
was. But, after some time I finally gave up and forced my friends to tell me.
The letters spelled out TANNER ADAMS. As embarrassing as it sounds now, I
actually had to go to my yearbook to see who he was. I was this shy, little
girl who really only associated with my small circle of friends. Why was this
popular, smart, attractive, senior asking ME to the dance!? I remember being
both terrified and thrilled. The next morning I woke up to a text saying “Hi!
This is Tanner, I hope you don’t think it’s too weird that I asked you to
homecoming…We should probably get to know each other.” And that’s how our
adventure began.
I’m sure
you remember just how shy I was when Tanner and I first started dating. I was
scared of the world and very insecure. After reading through countless letters
and emails that Tan sent me throughout our 2 years I began to notice a theme.
In every letter he wrote me he mentioned the fact that he wished I would break
out of my shell and let the world see the brave person he knew I was. I can
honestly say that it is thanks to his endless encouragement that I’m the person
I am today. He taught me to be confident and I can never thank him enough for
that.
Along with
confidence, Tanner taught me kindness and love deeper than anyone I had ever
seen. Everything he did showed just how enormous his heart was. I remember
watching him give money to the homeless, playing basketball with little
children and eating lunch everyday with the kids that didn’t have many friends.
He was so loved by every person he came in contact with, his infectious smile
and warm hugs could brighten even the darkest days.
During my
junior year I caught pneumonia and missed a good week of school. I remember
laying in bed crying on the phone to Tanner about how miserable I felt. Later
that day I awoke from a nap surrounded by gifts to cheer me up. He even let me
borrow his bear Mr. Rick for the week and gave me directions on how to best let
him heal me.
When Tanner
and I had only been dating for a few months he decided to buy me a present. He
talked for weeks about the fact that I had a surprise coming. I was totally
clueless as to what he meant. On the first day of Thanksgiving break my family
was preparing to road trip to Arizona. Minutes before we left Tan showed up at
my house with a little gold package and told me I should wait and open it in
the car. As we began our drive I eagerly opened my gift, inside was my first
iPod. I can’t tell you how ecstatic I was. I’m pretty sure I avoided my family
for the entire 12 hour drive listening to the music he had preloaded on it for
me. As we neared the end of our drive it
began to get dark outside. Tanner sent me a message saying, “Hey, will you do
me a favor and listen to Out of My League” by Stephen Speaks?” I had never
heard the song before but from that day on it became my very favorite. I
listened to it yesterday while I was driving in my car and thought about how
wrong he had been in insisting that the song was about me. I know now that it
was completely the other way around; Tanner was the one out of my league. I was
so lucky to have such a thoughtful, loving, incredible boyfriend.
A year
later Tanner moved to Dixie and with that came our first long-distance
relationship. I cried and cried for weeks because I missed him so much. One day
I was having a particularly hard time and he seemed to pick up on it. I
remember receiving a text message from him saying: “Cheer up! Today is Annie
day!” I had no idea what this meant but I decided to go with it. Within the
next hour I began receiving messages from everyone I knew and even some from
people I didn’t know. They all said “Happy Annie Day!” All over the school
everyone I saw said the same thing. I honestly felt like I was in a movie.
Tanner had contacted every person on the planet (almost) and told them to make
sure I had a great day. I can’t tell you just how special I felt. He was the
sweetest boyfriend any girl could ask for.
You always hear people say that you
never stop loving your first love and I really think it’s true. Tanner will
always have a special spot in my heart and not a day will pass that I don’t
thank God for the opportunity I had to spend part of my life with him. I will
never, ever forget those two years we spent together and the fairytale he
created for me."
I was sitting in the Salt Lake airport when I heard the news. Do you want to know the first memory that came to mind? It was a letter Tanner had written to me years ago telling me how happy I made him. My second thought was a question. Did he have any idea how incredibly happy he made me?
When Tanner lived in St. George I would visit whenever I could. However, there was a time period when I was busy with school and work and dance and I just couldn't make it down. Weeks had passed with us apart from each other and it really upset me. I was completely pathetic. So much so that Tanner told me he didn't like to talk to me on the phone at night anymore because he hated hearing me cry. One morning I awoke to someone kissing me on the forehead. I was completely delirious and had no clue what was going on. When I finally woke up I saw Tanner sitting on the end of my bed. He had driven 5 hours through the night just so he would be there in time to wake me up for school the next morning. Like I said, he was the ultimate romantic. My own character from a Nicholas Sparks book. Sometimes I wake up in the morning convinced he is going to be sitting there on the end of my bed. It's funny how years can pass but it feels like yesterday.
One year ago I kissed Tanner on the check, stained his shirt with tears, and said good-bye. I think of that day constantly and miss my sweet Tan.
I hope you will all hug your loved ones today. And then read a great book, watch a chick flick, put some A1 on your steak. Remember Tanner and all the happy memories he left us with.
Rick, Cindy + the whole Adams family - I love you.
TO THE MOON.
In case you missed it the first time...
This is so sweet Annie! It really does sound like a fairy tale :)
ReplyDeleteI cannot put into words how much I love this post. You can always prepare yourself for the beginning of a new life, but you can never prepare for the end of one. I know how much Tanner is missed by all and I know how happy you guys were together. Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way.
ReplyDeleteI love you Annie Bear, I cried my way through this entire post. <3
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post Annie! I didn't know Tanner well but I can only imagine how much he missed by all who knew him. Thanks for sharing your story,
ReplyDelete